Do you like crime? Want to be bossed around by super villains? THEN COME ON DOWN TO HENCHMEN R US. Ok, that pitch was terrible, but how else do you advertise the opportunity of being a hired goon? The pay isn't enough to justify the risks, you never get to see your family, and then there is the possibility of death. Still want to be a hired goon? FINE!!! But before you jump on a boat to A.I.M. Island, let's take a look at your options.
The Monarch:
The Monarch is the definition of an obsessed antagonist. He will do whatever it takes to destroy Dr. Rusty Venture. Why? Who knows. One thing I do know is that his henchmen are completely expendable. Just ask poor Speedy. He was killed by Brock Samson before even got his wings.
Chance of Survival: 0%
I mean, why even bother?
Once upon a time Henchmen 21 and 24 were untouchable and then BOOM 24 dies. And HE was a Highlander. Then there's Brock Samson. He has killed more henchmen than probably anybody not named Wolverine. Also, don't think you will always die clean. You can die by lawn mower to the face, strangulation, machete, and so much more. Heck, The Monarch might walk by and kill you for coughing in his presence.
The Hand:
Great speech, coach
Are they based in Japan? Are they run by Wilson Fisk or Sabretooth? Who knows. One thing that can be said about the Hand is that they are professional.
Chance of Survival: 0%
They're a ninja death cult and you have to die and be resurrected to join. Even if dying isn't the requirement to join, the Hand ninja look at death as a gift. So you'd essentially want to die. So since you like death, Wolverine and Elektra and sometimes even Daredevil will be more than happy to send you to your ninja heaven. Of Ninja Hell. Not sure how death cults work.
Joker Goon:
Seriously, why would anyone join up with him? He is unstable on a cellular level and cares about nothing but violating Batman. Harley Quinn is his main squeeze and he treats her like crap.
Chance of Survival: 10%
Most likely Joker will kill you for any number of reasons. Why? Because you didn't laugh at a joke he made or maybe you did laugh at a joke he made, looked at Harley too long, didn't mention his new purple suit, or because he's the ****ing Joker. Of all of the criminal organizations to join, Joker's should probably be your last option. Better yet, don't join him at all.
Hydra:
Easily the goofiest group of villains in comic books. They are easily the laughing stock of henchmen get togethers. At least the Monarch knows this is a game. Hydra has had maybe one incident where they were dangerous after World War 2 and that was because they kidnapped and brainwashed Wolverine. Seriously, they are a joke.
Chance of Survival: 25%
Here is the good news. If The Avengers or Steve Rogers is coming after you, you might survive because surrender is an option. Bad news is, if it's Wolverine, Deadpool, Elektra, or Nick Fury coming after you, you're going to die and die painfully. But according to Bob (Deadpool's Hydra buddy) the medical insurance is pretty good. So there's some good news.
Penguin:
Of all the villains with henchmen, this is probably the way to go. Cobblepot doesn't just kill people for the heck of it and he won't sacrifice a good worker when he has a ton of idiots dumb enough to be used as a distraction.
Chance of Survival: 90%
Here's the one good thing about Oswalt Cobblepot, he's a businessman and appreciates a job well done. So do your job and he won't kill you. If he says do A, B, and C don't do X, Y, and Z. Also, since Batman is his lead adversary, you may end up in the hospital, but you won't die. Your main concerns are other organized crime families. If you're lucky, you can leave a drive by unscathed.
A.I.M. (Advanced Idea Mechanics)
Terrorism through superior technology. They can create all sorts of weapons but can't figure out to not create a giant headed robot out of a disgruntle employee. They are the dumbest smart people in the world. But, hey, they have their own sovereign nation.
Chance of Survival: 30%
Pretty much surrender and Avoid M.O.D.O.K. The guys at A.I.M. were not built for fighting.